One of the things I have noticed about the boys on our journey to discover the ins-and-outs of ADHD is that they are, at times, completely absent-minded. It is a function of the disorder, I know -- they don't call it Attention Deficit for nothing -- and I expect a little mind-wandering during lessons, but sometimes I am amazed at the utter shutdown of the brain. Sometimes it can be funny (Um, Sean, are you going to go out without pants?) and other times it can be frustrating, especially when they forget very simple things like the piano bag full of their music when we're out the door to piano. Yes, they have clothes on (whew) and yes, they went to the bathroom (good), but they also took time to get a book for the car or their DS, which has NOTHING to do with where they are going or what activity they are about to undertake. When you remind them about it, they say in a rather surprised voice, "Oh yeah. Okay. Sorry." They truly do not mean to be forgetful; they just seem to always have their minds elsewhere and not on the tasks at hand.This absent-mindedness or sometimes complete lack of vision about their life and activities worries me. Yes, I realize they are only nine, but some kids just seem to have a sense of time and space and a more complete understanding of elapsed time and what needs to be done and how much time that will take. My boys exist very much in the present, working from a schedule that involves maybe an hour ahead, maybe two. This is so ironic considering they both love schedules and do very well when they know what lies ahead. So I guess my worry exists in the form of "Will they ever get it?" or do I need to have Grant start digging the basement now?
Rather than wring my hands and moan, I decided to employ a new tactic. I call it Being Thorough. I was inspired by reading a devotional by Pastor Swindoll, the former pastor of EV Free Church in Fullerton which was my home church until age 24. This is a great man who is very wise, and he discussed the idea of being thorough in every aspect of your life. He was meaning this for adults, but he also brought it down to the day to day things in our lives, saying, "Wouldn't it be nice to completely finish a project? Put away the tools you used? Wipe down your workspace and then throw away the trash?" I'm paraphrasing the great man here, but his point is that often we get almost done with something and then stop. Don't dry the last three dishes, don't clear the table all the way, don't cover the barbecue, don't put the gardening tools back in the cupboard. The main project is done and done well, but something interrupts us -- something greater in our minds and we let the last few steps of a project lapse. When we do this, there are consequences -- rust, decay, dirt -- physical reminders that we left something undone.
I was struck by this lesson and not just how it could apply to the boys. I was struck by how often I am the guilty one, not completing a task I have set for myself, and I'm not just talking about my not writing blog posts (whimper) and not writing my great American novel (hanging my head in sorrow). I'm talking about the general chores and tasks I've set for myself. I need to be better at the follow-through, to be more thorough in all that I do. Otherwise, there will be physical reminders -- a dirty house, a legacy of unfinished projects and "almosts," not to mention replacing things that have become dirty or damaged because I just didn't take one more minute to be thorough. Being thorough applies to all stages of the process, from the planning to the follow through, and it needs to be a way of life, a way of thinking that becomes reflexive.
So I decided to employ a new phrase for the family and am thinking of having it painted on the back of the door leading to the garage. I want it to say, "Be Thorough" and be a visual reminder to think deeply about all we do. I have started asking the boys, "Have you been thorough?" or working with them and saying, "Okay, let's be thorough in our planning" whenever we are going to go somewhere or whenever they are in the middle of a project. I want to get them thinking about the steps it takes to get something done. When we went to both Disneyland and Legoland recently (totally awesome), we spent 10 minutes each of those mornings going over what we needed to bring to each place. The boys were very good about listing what they thought was important: sunscreen, jacket, close-toed shoes, kleenex, snacks, entertainment for the car ride. They then ran around getting their items and packing them. Then we went over the schedule before leaving -- use the restroom, make sure you've packed all your stuff, turn off lights, etc. Next in the process is teaching them what to do at the end -- dumping the dirty clothes in the proper place, unpacking their backpacks or goodie bags, cleaning out the car and the like. Most of the time they are too exhausted at the end of an event, and that's okay. Learning to be thorough is going to be a life-long process.
I am hoping that this ritual will lead them to think more thoroughly about what's necessary and required before undertaking a project or before taking a trip, starting a new class, etc. I'm hoping to get them planning for things and realizing that while starting something is great, thoroughly finishing it is even greater.
