Coarse Threads

Undesirable -- not wanted, not looked for, uninvited, objectionable, adverse, detrimental.

Despite what some people may tell you, there are things that you control in this life. For instance, you decide when to get up in the morning regardless of whether you have to get to work or not. You do have control over your responses to both people and various annoying appliances (that $%^& stove!), and believe it or not, you can decide whether or not to be angry, sad or depressed. You have control over your finances to an extent (let's see: three lattes a week or the gas bill?), and some of us can even control the weather. Maybe that's just me. Or not. kidding.

What we have no control over is other people.

We cannot control others, their actions, or their words. As much as we would like to control them, other people are off-limits, and frankly, that's how it should be. I know we'd like to change some things about the people closest to us, but God made them the way they are, and God made us to be different from them. The idea is to celebrate the best in each other and forgive the worst. It's hard to do -- sometimes impossible -- but that's the general idea. What happens, though, when an interaction with someone takes an ugly turn, and forever that person is viewed or remembered as undesirable, an un-asked-for presence in our lives? What if it has been years and the forgiveness has been granted, but that person still brings up unpleasant memories? In the tapestry of your life, this person has been woven in as a coarse thread, one that is essential to the overall quality of the cloth but one whose sharpness has taken or will take years to wear down. I paused today to realize that I, too, am probably an undesirable in someone's life. I, too, am a coarse thread.

In the center of my tapestry is a swirling pattern of coarse threads. (I say the center because I am 40 now, you know.) These past few years have been painful to live through, and I reflect often on the intolerance, the lack of compassion, the need for absolute control, the inflexibility, the arrogance, and the cruelty of those who will be looked at as undesirables in my life -- people I trusted to teach my children and who failed them and me. However, because their threads are woven into my cloth and the cloths of my children, I must consider their contributions to my life. Because of them, I now know what afflicts my children. Because of them, I have learned compassion for other children who do not fit the mold of a typical elementary student. Because of them I can detect dysfunction a mile away. Because of them, I have learned so much about myself through introspection and lots of good therapy! Because of them, I have a tight circle of good friends, amazing friends who listen and give advice and who are like sisters to me. Because of them, being an advocate for my children has become my number one priority. Because of them, I know myself better, and I like who I have become, age 40 or not.

Coarse threads will be woven into our tapestries our whole lives. We will see and feel their textures every time we examine our cloths. However, these coarse threads help keep our tapestries strong. Our cloths will hold together longer because of the coarse threads. They provide a weight and heft to our tapestry, and despite the undesirable, un-asked-for, unwanted experiences and people in our lives, we need them to grow and change. I had to remember that God can see our whole cloth, and He will use all types of threads to create something beautiful.

So I encourage you to swirl those patterns and embrace the coarse threads, no matter how undesirable the event or person(s) that brought them. God will use it all for something good.