Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits

As a parent, I have planned for many things. For instance, I planned on what I would say on my kids' first day of school. I have several stories up my sleeve for when they get hurt by someone and need consoling and guidance. I have handled cuts and scrapes with either sarcasm (Nice job, Ace!) or sweet concern (Oh my sweetheart! You will be okay, I promise; let's get some ice) depending on the child and the circumstances. And, I have speeches prepared for the birds and the bees, for going off to college, for a first date and for any number of odd occurences (Mom, what are those zebras doing? What does the word @#$#$^ mean? etc.).

However, there are moments in parenting that take you completely by surprise. Case in point: Please see Exhibit A, picture of Gavin with parts of his hair missing. Apparently, leaving a razor somewhere in the vicinity of the bathtub will inspire children to create their own hair art and to shave parts of their body that they really do not need to. Thankfully, the child chose not to remove his eyebrows. The only victims were some leg hair, a bit of skin on the thumb and the aforementioned hair loss. My reaction was to get really, really angry -- considering another family member had made a similar mistake about six months ago and YOU THINK THEY WOULD LEARN, but Grant reminded me that since the other got sympathy for the transgression, then perhaps this one should too. However, I held my ground and remained angry since I HAD TOLD THEM NEVER TO TOUCH RAZORS EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, and so forth. As Brian Regan, comedian extraordinaire, says in one of his bits: "Apparently I didn't have enough 'evers.'"

Needless to say, we've moved on because you just have to. Gavin's hair when pulled straight down covers the spot nicely (although we are getting haircuts tomorrow, so we'll see what it looks like afterwards.), and he was properly saddened by his error. He crawled into my lap soon after and wanted a big hug. One of the funnier moments (at least for our family) was the fact that Gavin went through one of his OCD moments right after he got out of the bath and decided he needed three bandaids to cover the scratch on his leg. I was in the middle of assessing the situation, trying to figure out where all the hair had come from and beginning my loud lecture. He was hearing nothing of my rantings or any of his father's calmer but still agitated words. All he wanted was two more bandaids. I know that if we had let him get the two additional bandaids, he would have heard the lesson we were trying to impart: Don't Do Stupid Stuff. Instead, we mishandled the OCD, and the whole episode took waaay longer than it should have. We know better; it's just sometimes you freak out when your kids cut themselves or their hair with razors.

We spoke to each member of the family that evening and admonished those of us who leave razors in the shower and tub. We spoke to Gavin (who still wanted bandaids) and got him straight and settled on the matter. However, the funniest thing happened when talking to Sean. I said, "Now Sean, I want you to never touch a razor that's been left in the shower or the tub. It's dangerous and you will get hurt." He looked at me puzzled and said very slowly, "Mom, I'm Sean" as if to clear up any confusion I may have had. I'm confused all right. Not over which boy used the razor, but why kids do stupid stuff.