Love Letter to Sean

On one of the last days of school for the boys, Sean was working steadily on a project at the kitchen counter. He was hunched over, busily working, and then asked out of the blue about military school. My boys often ask things out of the blue, as this is their nature, so I wasn't totally surprised. But I was curious about the subject matter this time. He turned around and said in a very concerned voice, "Mom, do kids at military school ever get to come home?" When I told him that they do get to come home on holidays, his eyes welled up, "You mean, they don't get to come home on their birthday?" When I told him that no, most would not be home on their birthdays, he just started sobbing. I told him to climb in my lap and hug me, and I promised him that I would never send him or his brother or his sister to military school because, after all, you have to spend your birthday with your family.

Such is the life of my son, Sean, the sensitive one. He is always one breath, one heartbeat away from feeling deeply about a person, an object or even a piece of music or a poem. He is, like his sister, always feeling what others feel. He can put himself in their shoes, and he doesn't like it when the outcome isn't happy. He wants happiness and joy always, so he is affected by music that is dark or suspenseful. He can sense when someone is going to be embarrassed by something in a television show, and then both he and Gavin -- who is also very in tune with embarrassment -- will run from the room with their hands over their ears. Only when he knows things will turn out okay will he venture back in to watch. Sean is my child who needs to take walks during movies when the tension is too high or the music is too powerful.

Because of this bounty of emotional energy, Sean is both irresistible and difficult. He is the child you want to shelter from the storm, comfort in sorrow, and jump for joy with because he truly experiences all these things. The difficulty with emotions is that they are fleeting and can be temperamental, so he may whirl things up and just be mad. He experiences almost everything to the fullest, so anger is part of who he is. He seethes when teased instead of letting it bounce off him.

Sean is so very smart. He spends a lot of time thinking and dreaming up ideal video game scenarios and cool inventions. His imagination knows no bounds, and he doesn't apply normal boundaries to things. He is a free mind, willing to look at impossible things as just events that haven't happened yet. If you want to have a conversation about space travel or time travel, you can have a pretty good one with Sean, and it won't matter if the science isn't sound. All those details are relative.

Sean is a child who can meet his own needs. This has led to some funny situations, like his ordering room service when he was four because he wanted to try some warm milk. He doesn't sense boundaries the way others do (we're realizing now this is part of his ADHD -- more on that later), so he finds a way to get what he needs. This sounds like rationalizing bad behavior, and sometimes he does do things wrong, but other times he is simply searching earnestly for ways to meet his own needs. For instance, getting a book in class to read during silent reading when it's not time to be out of your seat, asking the librarian immediately where the book he wants is as opposed to spending some time finding it, peppering Grandma with video game requests the second he has a new one in mind, navigating through the world of "cheat codes" on the computer to find out how to conquer the next level. He is not afraid to try something if it means that he can achieve his objective. And yes, Grant and I see both the danger and the potential for greatness in that character trait.

Sean makes me happy most days because of his willingness and desire to share himself and his feelings. He wants hugs and kisses from me and will walk up and ask for them. He is so complicated and lovely and open. I cannot wait to help him grow up into such an amazing man, in tune with his emotions and able to share himself with others. I want to teach him to live passionately and enjoy life while accepting society's rules and to not get too discouraged when life gets tough and messy.