Picture by Grace Mosher
Well, so much has transpired since summer, when our fact-finding mission about the boys heated up and then came to a graceful end. It was one of those life experiences where you are terrified going in -- scared to hear the diagnosis, trembling at the thought that so many mean-spirited, horrible people could have been correct in their assumptions about my children. Was there something terribly wrong with them that made them unable to keep quiet in the classroom, ask questions non-stop, be obsessed with Pokemon and other video games, prefer adults to children, get really, really upset when they lost a game or did poorly on a test, or refuse to participate in activities that they knew they wouldn't be good at? What did all these behaviors add up to? Only God knew, and once again, He provided an answer that surprised me -- a second, unforseen conclusion.
In May, on the advice of our pediatrician, we took the boys to see a neurologist in Long Beach. I was so worried that these boys had autism or another spectrum disorder since that is what certain teachers and others kept intimating. I didn't want that diagnosis -- no parent does -- but I was finally prepared for it. I needed to find out what was going on in their heads. What made these boys tick? If they needed help, I was going to have to ignore my pride and get it for them, so we began the journey with a trip to Dr. Lake.
The boys were their usual talkative selves, asking the doctor questions and providing running commentary. She asked me questions and then listened while I gave her our whole story, stopping to acknowledge the boys and their interruptions whenever they occurred (something I really liked about her). She then paused and said, "I don't really know why you think they have a spectrum disorder. I'm not really seeing that." My heart leaped. "For one thing," she continued, "they both immediately engaged me the second I walked in the door." (we know that is their way -- talk to EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME.) "Children who are affected by spectrum disorders do not willingly engage anyone, even those children who have been in therapy and understand social protocols. They usually have to be approached first. I'm really not seeing this, but I will refer you to a specialist if you are interested, though I'm not sensing you are." (She was quite astute.) However, I am seeing something." I drew in a breath and held it. "I think they have ADHD."
I was shocked. I had never in my life considered ADHD since both boys can sit for a really long time completely and totally engaged. And they love learning about anything, so they don't jump up and run around and miss key points of a lesson. What I didn't understand about ADHD is that it affects children differently and there are host of symptoms and behaviors that accompany the diagnosis.
I left there amazed and relieved. While we would have to learn more about ADHD and the symptoms, overall the boys would be okay. I was relieved to learn that there was something concrete that was driving some of their behaviors. I was amazed that the same condition that affects millions of children also affects my own. But most of all, I was encouraged and humbled that my God had been watching over these boys and us all the time, steering us toward this eventual path. Along the way He knew I'd hear some devastating words from people, so He made sure I had wonderful friends and confidantes there to shore up my defenses and keep me sane. He also showed me some teachers who are amazing and love all children, so I wouldn't be so disgusted with education as a whole. He knew that I would eventually get to a place where I needed to know the truth, and He was there to surprise me with some unexpected news. I am grateful for such a creative God, who delights in surprises, rescuing His followers from seemingly impossible situations and providing unforseen conclusions that cause us to behold Him in awe.
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